For most of us, it’s been tough adjusting to the challenge of working at home and overseeing our children’s distance learning. The Governors directive to continue distance learning for the remainder of the school year may feel overwhelming, especially if you find that your children are tuning out your constant requests and reminders to take care of their belongings, get their chores done, and focus on their schoolwork.
While it’s normal for children to be non-compliant sometimes, this can lead to bad habits and disrespectful behaviors if it is not addressed. Increase the likelihood that your children will follow your directions the first time you tell them something by following these tips from Amy Morin, LCSW (psychotherapist and author). Read the entire article, Getting Kids to Listen the First Time You Speak, and find solid parenting advice on the verywellfamily website: https://www.verywellfamily.com/parenting
Here are five easy-to-implement common sense strategies Amy discusses to improve compliance:
1. Get Rid of Distractions
Yelling an instruction from across the house while your child is playing video games is not likely to lead to a positive response. Get rid of any distractions before attempting to make a request or give directions. Pause the television, interrupt the video game, or turn off the radio to gain a child’s attention. When possible, establish eye contact just to make sure you have their full attention.
2. Tell - Don’t Ask
A simple change in the way you word something can greatly improve your chances of getting your child to comply. One of the best strategies is to tell her to do something, don’t ask. Only phrase it as a question if she really has a choice. For example, if you want your child to pick up her toys, don’t say, “Can you please pick up the toys?” Even a mildly oppositional child is likely to say “No!” Instead, say, “Please pick up the toys.”
Give kids a five minute warning whenever it’s possible to do so. Instead of saying, “Go clean your room now,” when your child is in the middle of playing, tell your child, “In five minutes it will be time to stop playing and clean you room.” Then in five minutes say, “It is time to stop playing and clean your room now.” This is a respectful way to give your child time to prepare to switch activities.
3. Start with One Instruction at a Time
Young children, or children with attention problems, will not respond well to chain commands. For example, if you say, “Put your backpack away, pick up your socks, and put your dirty jeans in the washing machine,” a child will likely miss a step or two along the way. Start with one instruction at a time. Wait until your child completes the first task before giving new instructions.
Some older kids and teenagers can handle a couple of directions at a time and they have the ability to work from a list. In these cases, you can always tell them “It is time to do your chore list,” and they can accept responsibility for completing each task on the list.
4. Ask Kids to Repeat Back What They’ve Heard
After you give an instruction to your child, ask him to repeat back what he heard. This can ensure that he understands what is expected of him. This provides an opportunity to provide clarification if there’s any misunderstanding.
5. Reinforce Positive Behaviors
It’s important that you provide positive consequences to kids if they followed the instructions. Praise can be a great way to reinforce their good behaviors. Saying something such as, “Great job cleaning your room right when I asked you to,” can encourage your child to do so again the next time you ask. After completing a lesser preferred activity (e.g., cleaning the bedroom) consider then allowing a highly preferred activity (e.g., talking with a friend on the phone).
